either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
