Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize