We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
