Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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