Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
