the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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