oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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