I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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