Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
