wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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