love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
