Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
