it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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