and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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