Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
