I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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