you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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