Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
