We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
