i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
