he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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