Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
