using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
