I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
