My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
