You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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