How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
