Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
