hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
