My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she smelled like a LAN party
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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