Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize