i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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