is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
