Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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