i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
