Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
