I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
