I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
