I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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