How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
