I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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