So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
