I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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