I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
