He kissed a someone with a penis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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