well you can't waste a boner
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
