I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
