When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
