did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
