just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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