you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
