Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
