I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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