would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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