I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Randomize
