so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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