i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
