So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize