Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
