You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
