her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
