Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
