Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
