can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
