Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
