a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
